


Pain is Weakness Leaving the Body

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Chubby Marco Bott, Fluff, Fluffy, Gym! AU, Hot Instructor! Jean, M/M, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-12
Updated: 2014-03-06
Packaged: 2018-01-12 01:53:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1180519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the AU about Chubby! Marco having a total crush on his personal trainer. Basically Marco decides he's going to lose 35 pounds, but will he find love along the way?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Today is the Day

Never in my whole life have I been in good shape. By the time I hit 6 years old I was about 15 pounds heavier than the other kids. Throughout elementary and junior high, I got bigger and bigger, up and out. When high school hit, I was about 30 pounds heavier than my classmates. I never tried to join sports, because I was insecure of my body. I wasn't technically a loner, but I was alone most of the time. I was bullied very little, but it still happened. Through college no one paid me much mind, luckily. Being stared at by my peers and teachers though, was hard.

But it's 2014. It's time for a change.

I, Marco Bodt, am going to lose 35 pounds. I will be the national average. I will be in good shape.

Today is the day that I start my new life, and create my new lifestyle.

\-----

 

I took a deep breath as I hopped out of my car, walking towards the front entrance of the gym.

"Come on, Marco; you can do this." I thought to myself. "Think about how much happier and healthier you're going to be."

I swung open the door, and walked to the desk. I approached the front desk and gave her my name.

"Ah, hello, Mr. Bodt! Your personal trainer is over in the yoga room where you'll begin." The woman said, grinning with cherry red lips,

I smiled back and nodded, and headed around to where I saw yoga mats sitting outside of a glass room. Seems like a logical place for a yoga room to be, don't you think?

As I opened the door, and set my stuff down on the bench, I grabbed a mat. I looked around for my instructor, but I didn't see anyone until-

"Oh! Hello. You must be Mr. Bodt" a voice spoke. I turned around and I froze.

There before me was the hottest man I had ever seen in my entire life. I could practically feel my eyes bugging out of my head, and my body tense. My mouth must've been dropped to the floor. Oh god how was I supposed to train when I couldn't even think-

"Uh? Mr. Bodt?" The man’s voice spoke again, coughing awkwardly.

I snapped out of my trance and felt my cheeks and ears burn.  
"O-Oh! Y-Yeah I'm Mr. Bodt- I-err… Marco, call me Marco, I'm sorry I just-" he smiled at me.

Oh god don't smile oh god why are your teeth so perfect?

"I'm Jean; it's a pleasure to meet you." He said, holding out his hand. I immediately took hold and shook firmly.  
My eyes were on his forearm, eyeing over every muscle that was easily seen up his arm and over his collars of his chest oh god why did he have to wear a wife-beater why couldn't he just be shirtless oh my god-

I pulled my hand away, and Jean was grinning at me. "We're going to start with a little yoga, so you can stretch your muscles before we go do anything else. Each week we'll go over more stretches and then I expect you to do them at home before you come in so you're all warmed up by the time you make it." He said, and stretched his arm a little, running his hand through his hair.

Oh my god can you not show off your muscles, please.  
“Alright so sit on the mat, we’re going to start with some simple breathing.” He chimed.

How am I supposed to breathe when I’m looking at a god?  
I guess I sort of murmured that out loud, because Jean was snickering. “With hard work, you can have this body too,”

Yeah but can I get you to put your body on mine-

Jesus! Marco, snap out of it!   
“Okay, take a deep breath in through your nose. 1…2…3…” he began, and I followed as instructed. “And out, 2…3…4…”

We continued this for a while, before he said, “Alright on your feet.” He said, offering a hand. I put my hand up as a no thank you and stood.

“We’ll start with downward facing dog” he said. He then proceeded to demonstrate. He was saying some things that I barely took in to register. I was quite distracted.   
With his ass in the air, I could tell, by how tight his pants were, where every muscle in his legs was stretching.   
Now, I would've, had I not been so distracted by his ass.   
Oh good lord. I was almost tempted to reach out and touch it.  
He came over to me afterwards and placed his hand on my shoulder. I immediately tensed and my cheeks were on fire.

“You seem a little tense. Come on, this will help you relax.” He spoke to me quietly. I gulped and took stance and bent over. Jean was grinning, as I saw in the mirror in front of me.

“I’m going to touch you so I can fix your position, do you mind?”

“I don’t mind at all, you go right ahead.” The words blurted from my mouth and I swore under my breath. God damn it, Marco, where is your filter?

I felt his hands on my thighs and I swallowed the growing lump in my throat. He moved my legs apart a little, and moved his hands slowly down my calves. “Turn your feet in” He ordered. Without hesitation I followed his command.

“Take a deep breath in,” He spoke, and I felt myself following.

“So, Marco, where’re you from?” I let out my breath nice and slow.

“I’m from New Hampshire.” I spoke softly. “I moved to California for school and never left.”

“I’m from Vermont, small world.” He said with a soft amused chuckle.

“Big state,” I corrected.

He placed a hand on my side and I winced. ‘Don’t touch my sides,’ I wanted to scream. I looked back down at the mat. Jean must’ve noticed and he removed his hand.

“Hey, don’t need to get tense over that.” He spoke. “If it makes you feel better, I wore headgear.” I looked up, confused.

He tilted his head at me and said, “Everyone has something they want to change about themselves. I had bad teeth. I got braces and wore headgear to fix it. You’re a little heavy and you want to lose weight. More power to you.”

After about 30 minutes of yoga, we moved to the treadmills and stair masters.

“Alright, Marco, we've got 25 minutes of cardio to do; stairs or treadmill?”

I turned my face towards him with red cheeks and grinned sheepishly. “What’s easier?” I asked.

He began to laugh before glaring sternly, “Because of that we’re making it 30 minutes, and you’re doing stairs. Stairs are harder.” He snarked.

“Noooooooooooooooo,” I whined.  
“You asked for it,” He pushed my back a little and moved me to the stairs. I pouted at him and tried puppy dog eyes. What was even the point of that? He’s supposed to whip my ass into shape not give in to my lazy butt. I got on, and he punched in some information into the machine.   
“Okay, here we go.” He said, and smacked the start button.

And I began to really-

Not go anywhere at all. What was even the point of this, this was worse than spinning. At least with the fake bikes you can imagine you’re going somewhere! Stairs; it’s like you’re climbing and climbing and climbing and climbing and you’re still climbing.

About 5 minutes in I was horribly out of breath and panting. Jean, though, was right by my side. He was cheering me on, as much as anyone could do when you’re so out of shape you can’t even do something as simple as climb fake stairs.

“Fuck this machine.” I choked out. Jean immediately burst out laughing, however. He patted my arm.   
“Don’t blame the machine for being a wuss.” He teased.

I slowed down and stared at him, mouth agape and accompanied with a cocked brow, “Did you just call me a wuss?” I accused.

“You fucking bet your ass I did. Come on and get your butt moving.” He snarled, with a light quirk of a grin at the edge of his lips.

For some reason, though, it worked. I got my ass in gear and began to move. Up down, up down again and again vigorously; I could feel my legs were burn. My lungs were thirsting for air. Before I knew it, the 30 minutes were up. The machine beeped at me, and it slowed to a stop.   
“Alright, drink some water. We’ll be doing weights next.” He spoke to me.

I grabbed my water bottle and began to gulp some down.

Ah yes, water: Glory, Glory, and Hallelujah.

I put my bottle back into my bag. He looked at me curiously, his eyes squinted, brows furrowed. For some reason, with his hair, he kind of reminded me of a porcupine or a hedgehog. I began to laugh a little, which made him frown.

“What’re you laughing at?” He asked.

“You look like a grumpy hedgehog.” I murmured. He tried to withhold a smile.   
“Sorry. It’s just you look familiar to me.”

“I've got a familiar face is all.” I shrugged.

Yeah, I’d probably remember meeting a god such as you, Jean.   
“Yeah, okay. Well let’s head over to the weights and we’ll start with some free weights. We’ll save the leg work for another time.”

It took another hour or so, doing the weight lifting. We talked, a little, or well, as much as I could for being out of breath the entire time. I learned a little about him.

Not married, no kids, college graduate, music major, but he wasn’t getting any gigs, got into good shape so he could go back and be a theater major. He got his degree, but still not so successful, so took some anatomy and physiology classes and became a nutritionist.   
From what I could tell him, I told him about how I was a biotech engineer. Single. It made me sort of sad that I couldn't tell him my life story as he did with me. But once I got into better shape, I knew I’d be able to talk to him more.   
I definitely wanted to, too.

“Alright, Marco. So I’ll see you the day after tomorrow. Make sure you rest, and you drink a lot of water tonight. Tomorrow do some simple stretching so you don’t stay sore. Because trust me, you’re going to hurt.” I was already starting to feel sore, how much worse could it get? “I’ll see you the day after tomorrow. Call if you need to reschedule, and if the pain gets so unbearable you need to see a doctor, tell me so I can fix your routine, okay?”  
“Got it.” I chimed, grinning as happily as I could. My legs were killing me.

“You look like you’re gonna pass out. Take it easy, okay? You did a great job.” He said, and placed his hand on my shoulder. I smiled at him.  
From where I was standing, I could see his features much easier now. His eyes were a soft honey brown with green flecks, and his nose was prominent and strong. It looked a little crooked, like he had broken it at one point.

“Alright, Freckles, go home and rest. I've got another appointment, but seriously don’t hesitate to call if something goes wrong.” He chirped, patting my shoulder and turning to leave. “See you”

“See you, Jean!”

The next morning, I awoke, and couldn't move my body. I felt like I weighed 3 tons.   
“Aw fuck” I groaned and shoved my face into the pillow. This was going to be harder than I thought.


	2. Things aren't always how they seem

Marco Bodt.

A name that, in my life, I never would've thought anything of. It just seemed like a regular, normal ol' dumb name. Little did I know, that was going to change.

 

I, Jean Kierschtein, am a personal trainer who hates his job more than anything in the world. But I'm good at what I do.

Here I was, on my bed with my legs kicked up behind me looking over schedules for my three different students.

I had to come up with a better, more interesting routine for Eren Jeager, who in every sense pissed me off to no end. He was eager, which was great, but he was too eager. He wanted to do 100 push-ups and he could barely do one properly and safely. I pushed his papers aside.

Armin Arlert, a scrawny, sweet little thing. He wanted to put some muscle on his skin-and-bone body, and with him I needed to help arrange a better diet for him to do so.

Too much work.

It was too hot to think about any of that, really. Why was it so hot? Fucking California. Where is your winter?! It's 75 degrees outside and it's February. How?!

I groaned, "It was 50 yesterday why is it so fucking hot?!!"

I looked down at my papers again and smiled as I saw Marco's name.

Newbie. He was a little heavy, but cute. Really cute. He was nervous and shy at first, but he warmed up to me a little.

"What's easier?" He had said to me. God what an idiot! Like I was going to let him pick the easier option; yeah, right!

The look on his face when I called him a wuss was priceless though. And it worked. So maybe he was the type to need the negative talk. Or a little anyways.

But from what I noticed on his schedule, he was really going to be sweating badly unless-

Well, _that_ was always an option.

I grabbed my phone and stared at my papers as I dialed his number.

It began to ring, once, twice-

"Hello? This is Marco Bodt speaking." Oh god that was really cute-

"Oh yeah, hey Marco, it's Jean, your personal trainer?"

"O-Oh! H-hi!" He stammered a little.

"Yeah, hey. I was wondering if you were opposed to doing some water aerobics and swimming tomorrow. Since the news says it's going to be hot like this all week, I thought taking it easy on overheating you sounded like a good idea. Is that okay?"

I could hear that he was hesitating a little. I tried to think about why, and then it hit me.  
"Marco, you don't need to be insecure around me. You look fine, and after all of this you'll look better than fine. Also you can wear a white t-shirt, that's fine too." I said as nicely as I physically was capable. I then laughed a little and said, "If you get too nervous I'll wear my speedo so we can both be uncomfortable how does that sound?"

"W-What?! I-I- I'll wear the swimsuit it's fine- j-just don't wear the speedo please god" he began to laugh. It sounded nervous and choked up. "Same time and everything?"

"Yep! See you at 9am sharp!" I spoke.

"Okay! Bye Jean"

"Bye Marco"

And with that we hung up.

For some reason, a part of me was really excited for the dawn of the new day.

 

\------------------

 

I arrived early at the gym, setting up the water weights for the pool along with the steps for water aerobics.

Clad in my tight swimming jammers, I gave myself a bit of a warm up in the pool, letting my body adjust to the water. Lapping the pool 3 times, I stopped and sat up, moving the hair out from in front of my face, and opened my eyes. There in front of me, was Marco staring with wide eyes and a red face to match.

The freckles on his cheeks were highlighted almost by how red he was. I couldn't tell if he was sunburnt or just that embarrassed.

"Come on in, I won't bite!" I said, beckoning to him with my hand.  
"Unless you want me to-" I blurted under my breath out of instinct and felt my own cheeks burn a little.

"What?" He asked me as he slowly sat down on the ledge and slid into the water.

"Nothing, nothing" I brushed off, "We're going to start with step aerobics" I said.

I looked up to see Reiner, (another trainer) near the stereo.

"Hey blast some tunes would ya?" I called to him.

Immediately he blasted some crappy ABBA song.

God I mean I'm pretty damn gay, but seriously?? ABBA? Dammit Reiner.

"Okay we're going to follow this pattern. Forward, back, over, back, side, side, side, side, and repeat, got it?"

Marco looked at me with a face of confused horror and I grinned.

"Five, six, five six seven eight" and we began. I leaned up against the wall and spoke out the commands and he followed them quite well.

I looked over Marco as he continued to work. As I looked, I noticed that his upper chest wasn't very pudgy. It was mostly his tummy, arms and face. God his face was so cute and round it was almost like a baby's face.

I looked over his freckles and began to in my mind connect the dots. I found a heart, a star and the Big Dipper in his face. He would be fun to draw on if he ever got drunk and passed out.

He must've noticed I was staring at him, as his cheeks were flushing a bright red. I smirked a little and just straight out asked the question.

"Hey Marco are you gay?"

 

He looked up at me with red ears as his movement stopped.  
"I-Uh, y-yeah?"

"Okay. Hey! Did I tell you to stop moving? Come on, get that butt into gear."

\----

After I worked him with the weights and helped him with laps, we relaxed in the pool for a bit. We floated around and we continued to talk. Just simple getting to know you stuff.

He came from a big family but was the only child in his household growing up. 6 older sisters and 3 older brothers. “JESUS CHRIST” I had told him, and he began to laugh.

I told him how I had two older sisters who I hated and I had a younger brother who was a troublemaker but idolized me.

"Is that why he's a troublemaker?" Marco had asked me with a sly grin.

I glared and punched his shoulder. I snickered as he yelped and rubbed his arm.

We talked about values and beliefs. We talked about our jobs and I finally got to voice how much I hated this job.

"Well you told me you wanted to be a musician or a theater person. Do you still look for gigs?"

"It's hard finding gigs. People don't normally like the sound of a trumpet on its own. And there are so many people who sing and play piano; there's too much competition. With acting however, I at least get callbacks. But I haven't been cast in anything since the college's production of Annie Get Your Gun. I played Frank, at least. So I know I'm not terrible at acting." I started, bringing a knee to my chest as we floated in the water.

He smiled softly at me and half-shrugged, "Well who knows? Maybe you'll find someone who wants to be your agent. You've just gotta keep trying."

Who the hell did he think he was? Being so cute like that and so fucking supportive.

No fuck that noise.

"Y-Yeah, I guess." I murmured. I glanced at the time and noticed I still had another few hours before my next appointment.

"Hey Marco, how about we go for a bite to eat?" I asked as I turned back to him. I grinned as his face began to grow red.

"S-Sure!" He answered.

"Alright let's get out then and put on real clothes. As much as I know you're enjoying the view of my body I doubt the rest of the world might" I turned to get out and glanced back to see his entire face a bright cherry red and a huge pout on his face.

"Anyone and everyone would be honored to see a body as hot as yours-" he blurted and slapped his hand over his mouth.  
I choked out a little laugh as I pushed myself out, feeling his eyes bore into my body. Turning back to him, I grinned.

"Well, get your ass out of the pool, Marco, we don't have all day!"

\----

We went into the men's locker room and began to change. He had his back turned to me, and so I took the advantage to glance over his body. God he really had freckles everywhere. It was terribly pretty. Way too pretty for anyone's own good.

I guess he noticed my staring as he glanced back over at me. When our eyes met we both immediately averted the direction of our faces.

Yes, Jean, get caught staring at his ass, that's great. There went your whole act straight and then flip him out plan.

I tugged on my jeans and tossed on my muscle t-shirt with a hood thing. God did I love it. It was so soft and worn it was like an angel had blessed the fucking thing. Stupidest fucking shirt I own but it's so fucking soft.

I looked over at Marco who had out on jeans and a long draped gauze shirt.

He turned to me and I felt myself smile. _He made me smile._

"There's a little deli down the street run by a friend of mine, how about we go there?"

"Sounds good to me," Marco replied cheerily.

\----  
Once we got to the deli, I sauntered and leaned against the desk,  
“Hey Sasha get your lazy ass out here!” 

I could hear Marco make a noise of uncertainty. I turned my face to his and raised a brow, moving my lower to the side a little and back.

Then came a little brunette who was covered in God knows what.

“Jean! I haven’t seen you in forever.” Sasha said, leaning over to kiss my cheek.

“Marco, this is Sasha. She and her boyfriend have been my best friends since college.” I said. I watched as Marco came forward, and Sasha wiped her hands on a white rag, holding out to shake.

“Fiancé, now.” Sasha corrected me. They shook hands and Marco murmured a congratulations.

“What?! When did this happen?” I interrupted sounding as shocked as I could. It came out more shitty and fake but Sasha probably knew-

“Jean, don’t fucking play dumb with me, you knew you little fuck. You helped pick out the ring.” Sasha growled playfully.

“Connie needs to learn to keep his mouth shut.”

“Amen to that.” She giggled.

Marco stood somewhat awkwardly. I then remembered I was being rude.

Weird. I _remembered I was being rude_

“Marco, pick anything on the menu, I’m paying.” I said. Marco immediately began to refuse and I folded my arms and shook my head. “Oh no, don’t you try to weasel out of this. And I’m not going halfsies either. I’m paying. Now order”

He whimpered at me. _Whimpered._ Well fuck you too, Marco. Stop being so fucking cute.

He ordered a turkey sandwich on sourdough. I ordered my usual Reuben on rye and Sasha grinned, shooting me a wink and a nod.

Great she gave her approval.

We filled our cups; I with lemonade, and his with soda.

Should’ve known he was a soda drinker. I’ll eventually try to nip that in the butt. Or, I err... Bud.... But I wouldn't mind nipping his butt. 

We sat down at a little table in the back corner.

“Jean?” He asked. I perked up my head from the napkin I was folding into an origami crane.

“Yeah?”

“Why did you ask if I was gay earlier?” I smirked at him.

“Well, for one, you’re cute. Two, I was a theater major, who now trains men into good shape and touches their bodies, do you really think I’m straight?”

I watched as his entire face grew red up to his ears. His eyes were wide like a deer in headlights. Sasha then called out that our order was ready, and I hopped up, going to get the food.

As I brought it back and sat down, he had been hiding his face in his hands.

“Hey, Marco, eat. You need the blood sugar.” I said, handing him his sandwich.

He started to eat, and he kept looking up at me.

Finally we sparked more conversation, talking about what it meant to be a biotech engineer. We discussed basics of different machines, teaching me things that I had no clue about. It was nice. I never felt more comfortable being told about what I didn’t know.

After we finished, we drove back to the gym and I walked him to his car. He drove a little 1991 Infiniti GX30 silver with tan leather seats. His car was fucking spotless.

“Well, I guess I should go. And we’re on for Friday?” He asked.

“You bet your ass.” I grinned. He didn’t look disappointed at all. In fact, he looked way too giddy.

“Thanks for lunch,” He said, running his hand through his hair.

“No. Thank you, Marco.” He tilted his head confused

“For what?”

“For this-,” And I kissed him. Not for long, nothing heated. Just, soft, simple. I broke it and I found him leaning forward, chasing after it. I grinned. “Go home and rest. Friday I’m not going to take it easy on you.”

Marco numbly nodded and got in his car, staring at me and drove off.

Great, now to go deal with Eren.

When I got home from working with that obnoxious brat-

_“No No! Jean I can do this! See-”  
 **CRASH**_

I took in a deep breath, and collapsed on my bed. I grabbed my phone and checked through my messages.

 **[Text]  
  
** From: Marco:  
You’re a good kisser, Jean. (●´ω｀●)

 _Oh boy. This is not going how I planned at all._

**[Text]  
** From: Jean  
Not so bad yourself, sweet-cakes. 


	3. Talk About That Sexual Tension

“J-Jean, a-ah, you’ve got to be careful, i-it hurts.”  
“God, you’re such a baby, take a deep breath.” He spoke down to me. I looked up at him and tried my best to take in some air. I hissed then as he pressed harder.  
“Fuck!”  
“Marco Bodt, shame on you. Tsk, thought you’d have a better mouth than that.” I could swear he was purring.  
“I’m obviously spending too much time with you,” I panted.  
“This shouldn’t be hurting you so bad,” His hands travelled up the backs of my thighs, pressing them further, closer to my chest.  
“I’m sorry I’m not limber.” I growled, hissing. He then smirked at me, leaning down to my ear to whisper, softly.  
“We’ll just have to work on that, shall we?” 

_Wait; maybe I should explain what’s going on here._  
Strength Exercises.  
Jean is making me do this stupid “happy baby pose” with my legs spread apart, bent towards my chest holding my feet flat with my hands. He’s trying to stretch out my leg muscles. That’s what’s going on.  
The only suggestive part about this is that he’s leaning over me almost completely pressed against me. 

“Alright, Marco I need you take a deep breath, we’re going to straighten your legs out.” I could feel his hands now, running down the backs of my thighs, slowly beginning to add pressure as he moved up my legs, his hands meeting the tendons on the back of my knees, straightening them. I hissed and tossed my head back as he slowly pushed them closer to my chest. All of the sudden I felt something against my backside, and my face began to burn. Jean was completely pressed up against me.  
My mind travelled to the kiss from a month ago, and the conversation after.

_“I normally don’t kiss people after the first date,” He said, scratching the back of his neck tucking his face away a little from my line of sight._  
 _“I get that,” I said, crossing my legs, “But wait you’re calling that a first date??”_  
“I paid didn’t I?” He grinned.  
 _“Yeah, but-,”_  
 _“No buts, Marco, unless we’re discussing yours. It sure is mighty cute.”_  
 _I felt my cheeks burn and I light smacked his arm. “I knew you were checking out my ass, sheesh.” I murmured under my breath._  
 _“Well, what I’m trying to say is normally it’s against my own policy to date clients.”_  
 _I felt my face drop, and my heart sunk into my stomach, “I-I see.”_  
 _“No, you don’t see, I’m not done yet.” He growled, “You intrigue me, you’re completely different than anyone I’ve ever met. I’m not sure why, but I’m sure as hell going to find out. But, you’re still paying me to get your ass into shape, so I’m going to. After we get you passed your goal, then we’ll ‘be a thing’. I will take you out on dates occasionally after training, but also to get your eating habits fixed. Along with removing all of the soda from your diet,” He said and snatched the cup I had been drinking out of. He took a sip then, and shuddered in what could only be described as disgust._  
 _“Not a fan of Pepsi?”_  
 _“Oh god it’s so gross.” He said as he fake-gagged. “Also it’s the worst for you, couldn’t you have picked like, Dr. Pepper?”_  
 _“Eww Dr. Pepper?” I shook my head furiously. He then began to laugh._  
 _He leaned over and kissed my cheek softly. I smiled and leaned into the touch, feeling my cheeks burn as I tucked my face closer to my chest._  
 _“Alright, let’s start whooping that ass into shape.”_

“Marco? Are you alright?” He asked me his mouth hot over my ear. I could feel my breathing become a little ragged.  
“Yeah, yeah I’m good.” I mumbled out. 

“Alright turn over onto your stomach; we’re going to work on some elbow planks, and then we’ll do sit ups.” 

I rolled onto my stomach and began to move onto my elbows.  
“Alright, up.” He murmured to me, his hand on my side. I winced a little and he immediately retreated his hand. “Sorry, I forgot.”  
I pushed up, taking in slow breaths as I held the position the best I could.  
All of the sudden I felt his hands on my hips. “Ass down, buddy.” I wiggled my hips in light defiance and he cocked a brow at me from what I noticed in the mirror.  
His hand traced over the small of my back keeping a small pressure there as I held the position.  
“3, 2, 1, down.” And I plopped.  
“30 seconds, not bad. It’s getting better.”  
“I’ve lost 15 pounds,” I interjected.  
Jean smiled at me in the mirror.  
“20 to go. Now back up. 1, 2, 3.”  
Finally after another 3 reps, I moved onto my back again.  
“Sit ups. 3 reps of 15.”  
I bent my knees, and he placed his hands over my ankles, holding them down firmly.  
“Alright. Count as you go.”  
I slowly began to curl up, my hands over my chest to keep me from flinging them forward for leverage. “O-One,” I grunted.  
Finally I got done with the first round of fifteen. Jean was grinning wildly like he had just won the jackpot.  
“W-What?” I stammered.  
“If you can do the next 30 without a big break in between,” He started.  
“Yeah?”  
He put his hands on my knees, and ran his fingers across my thighs. I shuddered a little.  
“I’ll let you kiss me for as long as you want.”  
I immediately perked up, and he began to laugh. “Like the sound of that, huh?”  
“Love it, let’s do it.”  
“Whoa, Marco I said kiss, not sex. Slow down there, big boy~.” He waggled his brows.  
My own eyebrows rose in dissatisfaction. “Who says you’ll be able to resist, Jean? You sure were sporting _something_ down there earlier.” I retorted.  
I watched as a blush grew from his cheeks down his neck and collarbones. I felt my own cheeks heat up.  
“You felt that?”  
“Jean you couldn’t have gotten any closer unless you were actually-,” I stopped myself short, and turned my face away.  
“Actually what, Marco? Say it” he loomed over me, his hands trailing further up my thighs.  
“I-I,”  
“Say it,” He whispered again.  
“In me.” I watched as his face turned into a satisfied smirk, his eyelids dropping just enough to make me want to scream.  
“Come on, do your sit ups.” He said to me then, sitting back down onto his knees.  
I looked at him with a slightly shocked expression. His hand began to wave in small circles egging me on, “We don’t have all day, Bodt. Come on.”  
And thus began the treacherous journey. I was at about 25 and the ache began to set in.  
“26,” I groaned.  
“Four more, Marco, you can do it.” He said, his head nodding in excitement.  
“27.”  
Here we go 3 more, and then you can kiss your dumb-  
“28,”  
Hot, smart, sexy-,  
“29,”  
Wait, was he my-,  
“30.”  
I collapsed, my arms falling above my head as I took in deep breaths. My legs fell flat, and then I noticed that Jean was leaning over me.  
“Well, are you going to kiss me?”  
I moved my hand up to touch his cheek, brushing my thumb over a small scar I noticed. I then ran my hand back through his buzzed hair, and sat up just enough to pull him into a soft kiss.  
I could feel his lips smiling against mine, his teeth against my lip before he nipped at it, tugging it softly. I gasped softly, and I could just faintly taste him on my tongue. Before I could even make a move to move my mouth against his, his tongue was in my mouth.  
My mouth felt hot and wet, cold and dry all at once. His tongue brushed against mine and I whined into his mouth, eagerly swallowing his moan that followed.  
He gently pushed me down, and I felt his hips press against mine, I tossed my head back and mewled, the pressure and friction was already getting to me-  
And then it was gone. He was on his knees, wiggling a little. It could only be described as kitten pouncing cute.  
He looked over my body, and I felt completely exposed.  
I sat up, and he leaned forward and chastely pressed his lips to mine.  
“Soon, sweet-cakes. Now, that dinner I promised you.”


	4. Internal Pain Won't Forever Be Eternal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you James for helping inspire me for this chapter.   
> Also if you guys want to follow me on tumblr you can follow me on my main thatusukaddiction, or askladarmin. I'm on askladarmin much more than thatusukaddiction nowadays, but hey man, follow whichever.

“We’re working out today,” I told myself as I pulled up to the little peach house on the corner.   
“We’re going to fix his eating habits and jog and it’s going to be a nice day. Just because you’re going to be in his house doesn’t mean anything” I told myself repeatedly.  
A month and a half now it’s been, since Marco Bodt and his ferociously cute butt walked into my life.   
Two weeks since the hot make out.   
And damn that was taking its toll on me. 

Never in my life had I been so interested in a client. Never in my life had I felt so magnetically connected to someone. 

16 dates, in a month and a half. Three kisses. One make out. Zero on the sex.   
But I was fine with that. Surprisingly, I was happy with it. I didn’t feel like I had to force something out of me that wasn’t me. I didn’t have to feel like this whole… I guess you can call it a relationship, was based on something that wasn’t him and I.   
Our dates were silly, and fun. I got to know him, and he listened to me. We told jokes, and within this month and a half, I felt like for once in my life I had a real best friend.   
Not like Connie, or Sasha, who were dating when I met them.   
I had someone who was for me and only me to call my friend: My… Boyfriend, really.   
I felt my heart skip a beat when that word rang in my head. Yeah, Marco was my boyfriend.   
I tried to relax my smile as I left my car, slowly making my way up to the green door. God for a gay man he had horrible taste. I grinned anyways, and rang the doorbell.   
I heard the sliding of a window and looked up, seeing Marco’s cute little red face peaking out. “I’ll be down in a second, I-I’ve got to get something.”   
I nodded up to him, and waited patiently at the door. Well, as patient as I could… I’m not exactly the patient type. No, in fact I found myself getting a little fidgety as I waited. I picked at the bark on the white birch tree, interested in how it peeled off so slowly like dead skin after being sunburned.  
When he swung open the door, I smiled at him.   
“Hey sweet-cakes,” I said, as he tugged me inside. Before I could register what was happening, I felt his arms slip around me, squeezing me into his chest. I felt my cheeks burn, and returned the sweet hug. “Everything alright?”   
“I’ve just wanted to hug you for a while.” He murmured into the back of my neck. I hadn’t realized how much taller than me he was. I smiled at the freckled-face dork, and he pulled away. I pressed my lips to his cheek and I grinned as he began to burn red. I felt something was up, however.  
“Just because you act cute doesn’t mean you’re getting out of me ridding you of your soda and junk food.” I watched as his lips formed a pout. “And you’re still going to jog with me.” I snickered as he began to whine and huff at me.   
“Yeah because I love to jog,” He said and crossed his arms over his chest. I rolled my eyes, shaking my head at him.   
“Where’s the kitchen?” I asked, brushing my hair out of my face. I noticed that he was staring at my arm. This boy could not have been nonchalant even if he tried. “Hey, cutie, stop gaping at my rad body, and lets help get rid of your sugary gross soda.”  
It was always fun to send Marco into a stuttering frenzy of him defending his behavior. “I-I wasn’t g-gaping” He pitched. “J-just admiring.”   
I rolled my eyes again and cocked a brow. “That might’ve worked the first day, but Marco I know you want a piece of this.”   
He smacked my arm, and then tugged me into the kitchen.   
Immediately I went for the fridge, and began to tug out sodas, smiling at the bits of vegetables, and then found a huge foil-topped ceramic bowl, I pulled it out and he grinned sheepishly.   
“I kinda made too much lasagna the other night, and…uh...”  
“Lasagna? Of all the Italian foods you had to pick the number one worst?” I then peeled back the foil and found a fork. I took a bite and he cocked a brow at me.   
“Yeah, it’s my weakness too, shut up.” Good role model, Jean. A+.  
I held back a smile and narrowed my eyes at Marco as he began to laugh. He then approached me and swiped a little bit of what seemed to be sauce from my cheek. Great, look like an idiot, too.   
I then went back to my search and confiscate, removing the fatty foods. I began to scour the cupboards, taking down the chips and chips and chips, (damn how many kinds of chips do you have?!), and also the cookies. I had learned over the past few weeks Marco had the worst sweet tooth.   
When I say worst, I mean _worst_.   
He could eat an entire coconut cream pie in one sitting.   
Had I not been keeping my eye on him, he would’ve. I then noticed a certain lack of something I had tasted on him two weeks ago.   
“Hand over the secret stash of Reese’s.” I said, crossing my arms. He looked shocked, appalled almost.  
“What? I would never hide-,”  
“Marco, cut the shit, I could taste it when you had your tongue down my throat.”  
Immediately I saw his face react. He shifted a little and then pouted. He walked over to his top cupboard above the sink, and tossed me the bag. I grinned as I caught it, and he glared at me as he walked back over near me.  
“Jeaaaaannn.” He whined, pawing at my arm. “Don’t take my Reese’s.” He begged. Fucking cute little bastard fucking-  
I reached into the bag and pulled out one, and placed it in the cupboard. “Only one. Save it for something.”  
He looked like a kicked puppy who was just being rewarded for being good. Fuck those fucking brown almond eyes.  
“Alright, let’s take this to my car, and I’ll go deal with it all after we go for our jog.”  
Immediately his face drooped and I glared hard at him. He scrunched up his nose, and began to hoist some things into his arms.   
We immediately began to walk out to my truck, and dump the stuff into the backseat, until I noticed him trying to steal another peanut butter cup. I snatched it before it went into his pocket and he murmured a quick curse under his breath.   
And because I decided to be cruel, I ate it.   
I watched as his lower lip quivered. I began to laugh a little, before I found myself backed against my car. “Well you’re a more appetizing dessert anyways~” he purred at me.  
Whoa there. His mouth began to close in on mine, and I succumbed. I felt myself moan as he nipped at my lower lip. I was about to part my lips until my brain snapped back into place.   
I pulled away and placed a hand on his chest. “Nice try.”   
3 kisses, One and a half make outs.   
He pouted.   
“You ready for that jog now?” I said with a wild smirk, knowing he was dreading this.   
He hung his head and sulked like a child. I laughed, and nudged his arm. “Come on, sweet-cakes. Two blocks, that’s all.”   
And so we began. I stuck by his side at first, slowly helping him find a comfortable speed. I sped up so I could turn and watch him run. Encouraging him the best I could, I smiled as he pushed harder and harder. He was definitely in better shape than he was a month ago.   
The further we went, the harder it was on him. The harder it was on him, the more vocal and encouraging I became. We worked harder and harder and he was pacing himself quite well. I couldn’t have been more proud.  
Finally we got back to the house; I patted him on the back telling him just how pleased I was.  
“I can’t believe how well you did, Marco! You really did great.”  
All he responded with however was a strained “Yeah, yeah”, and began to chug down a bottle of water.  
In that moment I looked over him. His breathing was heavy, beads of sweat running down his cheek and neck, dipping slowly under his shirt. Oh god I couldn’t look away.  
‘Come on Jean, this is hardly the time to get aroused by your hot boyfriend, come on, look away.’ I told myself. I could feel blood begin to rush south.  
All of the sudden though, I noticed Marco’s eyes were on me, and he began to choke. I immediately went over to him, patting on his back, “Hey are you alright?”  
I noticed he shifted his face away from me, colored a blistering red. He nodded to me however, and said “W-Wrong pipe” under his breath.   
His breathing was still out of sync however, and he chewed on his lower lip, dipping his head down and back up, staring at me. I could hear him inhale, and he started to lose his balance. I grabbed him quickly.   
“Whoa there, let’s drag you over to the couch.”   
Making my way through the strange home, I was able to find this huge glorious black couch. I lied him down and said to him to rest. He leaned up however and kissed my cheek.  
“Please stay,” He murmured to me in the softest voice he could muster. Oh god how could I say no to that? So I wiggled my way onto the couch, placing his head onto my lap. He smiled at me, and I enjoyed the view as his eyes fluttered closed. I could feel his breathing start to slow, and I slipped out from under him. He rustled a bit, and whined. “I’m going to take a shower; I’ll be here when you wake up.” I whispered to him as I kissed his forehead.   
As I explored his home in hopes to find his shower, I began to notice little things.   
He loved daises. They were all over in little vases. He also had a cat, who I had the misfortune of meeting. Luckily I didn’t come out with any real marks or scratches.   
Finally however, I came to find his bedroom. It smelled completely of him, and I found myself wanting to indulge myself. However, I resisted, and found my way into his bathroom, turning on the shower. I stripped down out of my clothes and entered the shower. The water ran across my body and I shuddered as Goosebumps began to form on my skin.   
Now, you would think I’d have been a good boy who took his shower quickly to join his boyfriend.   
Not me.  
As soon as I let my mind wander, I felt my body react. Images of panting hot Marco began to swarm in my mind and I immediately felt the twitch in my cock. I knew Marco wasn’t going to be barging in any time soon, so what was the harm in having a little fun?  
Closing my eyes, I leaned against the cold wall of the shower. I began to imagine Marco’s mouth around my cock, his tongue flicking against the slit slowly. My thumb began to mimic the movements. I imagined him taking me far into the back of his throat, tapping it lightly. I hissed softly as I began to tug at my cock, my hand moving at the pace I imagined Marco’s mouth to be going. I imagined gripping Marco’s soft black hair as I fucked his mouth, meanwhile my hand moving faster as the other busied itself clutching my hair tightly.   
As soon as it began, the heat in my abdomen dissipated as I came onto my hand, moaning out Marco’s name.   
I immediately felt my cheeks burn in shame, and I quickly washed up, hopping out of the shower.   
With a quick dry-off, and a toss back on of my clothes, I made my way back out to where I left Marco.  
There I found him with his hands between his legs, his cheeks a bright red like he looked guilty of something.  
“Sweet-cakes are you alright?” I asked as I sat next to him. He nodded at me and smiled, quickly yanking me into a hug. I yelped at the sudden movement, but didn’t protest to it one bit.   
“You don’t have to go anywhere do you?” He asked me in my ear. I shook my head no as a response and he smiled, smacking something on the side of the couch, and all of the sudden it reclined back.   
“Oh, well this is nice.” I murmured as I curled into him. He immediately turned on the TV and turned on a movie I couldn’t care less about.   
I was just, simply, happy, to be in Marco’s arms on the couch.   
He smelled of ambrosia and primrose. Normally I was put off by such flowery sweet scents, but on him… It felt like home.   
I hadn’t noticed that I was beginning to doze off until I wormed my way around until my head was in his lap. I could feel his fingers slowly brushing through my hair, until I drifted into a soft sleep.   
Dreaming of god knows what, I suddenly felt stirred by a soft voice.   
“Jean? Jean, honey, you’re staying over.” I numbly murmured something and I heard him laugh.   
Being dragged across the house in my slumber, I suddenly was stripped of most everything. Through closed eyes I could feel my hands and his working off whatever it was that I was wearing, not that I could remember, and slowly I was tucked into bed.  
“No… Marco…Cuddle with me.” I whined in my half-sleep state, and began to tug at him. I could hear his laugh, and I smiled.   
Soon I found my body wrapping around something warm and soft.   
His hands began to trace over my arms and abdomen, and I smiled as I dozed in and out. I opened my eyes for a moment to find Marco’s lips against my forehead. I could feel my heart swell in my chest. I nuzzled into him, my hands brushing over his spine in small circles until I fell asleep. 

When I awoke the next morning, I found a sleeping Marco curled up against me. I smiled a little and pressed my lips to his forehead. His eyes fluttered open and he smiled sleepily, his eyes not going much farther than half way at this point. “Mmm… Morning,” He said to me in his sleep drunken state.  
“Mornin’ cutie,” I said back, my hand brushing through his bed head.   
He leaned into me, and pressed his lips to mine for a short time. 4 kisses.   
Finally he shuffled himself out of bed and began to stretch his arms, a little.   
The first thing I noticed about Marco was that he was wearing a shirt, and boxer briefs. I however, was only in my boxers. I grinned a little to myself, but sat up on my side, my arm propping up my head.  
“Marco, can I see you shirtless?”   
Immediately I noticed the look of fear that shot through him.   
“N-No… Why?” He asked me, his arms moving to guard his stomach.   
“Well, I’ve never seen you shirtless.” Well-, “Okay there was that time at the pool but that doesn’t count.”   
He immediately looked away from me, his eyes staring down at the floor. I moved over to his side of the bed, and sat up.   
“You don’t have to be insecure around me, Marco. Do not be ashamed of your body,” I said to him, turning my head to try and find his eyes.   
When I found them, they were screwed shut, his body tense.   
I stood up and brushed my hand over his cheek, trying to relax him.  
I found him then tugging at the hem of his shirt, until he pulled it off of his body.  
I stared at his body.  
It was strange. He wasn’t anything extraordinarily special under his shirt. Decorated on his skin were white and purple stretch marks, followed by a tremendous amount of freckles. He lacked muscle tone, and nothing was overly prominent about its appearance. However:  
He still took my breath away.  
Marco was refusing to look at me; constant apologies were spewing from his lips. I looked over his body more, my hand still on his cheek. I noticed his sides had stretch marks all the way down to his hip. I got down on my knees, and began to kiss his stomach, touching each stretch mark with my lips.  
He jumped, and he stared down at me in what could only be described as fear. “W-What are you doing, Jean?”   
Never in my life had I seen someone so beautiful be so afraid.  
“What does it look like I’m doing?” I retorted, “Admiring your beautiful stomach.” I pressed my lips above his belly button, my hands moving to touch Marco’s love handles.   
He didn’t wince this time. I looked up at him, and found his face being covered by his hands. The heels were digging into his eyes, and his body began to quiver.   
I stood up then, my hands still on his waist as I pulled him back towards the bed.   
Lying down with him, I whispered to him, “Marco, it’s okay, you can cry. I won’t leave your side. I’ll be here to kiss away every tear.”   
And so he did. Tucking his face into my neck, I held him close to me, my arms wrapped tightly around him as he sobbed. My hand ran through the back of his hair, as I hummed softly to him.  
They say that pain is weakness leaving the body.   
We know there is more than one kind of pain.   
Sometimes, the hardest pain to deal with is the pain we create for ourselves, in our mind.  
Telling ourselves that we aren’t beautiful, and believing that no matter what, every scar will deem us to be unwanted, is a falsehood and self hatred that for some reason follows us all.   
That morning I watched pain leave Marco’s body.   
I watched as he shed his insecurity, and he showed _me_.   
He revealed a side to me-, No. He revealed everything to me in that moment.   
And in that moment, all I could give him was love.   
And for as long as he would have me, that’s all I would ever do.


	5. Fuck you, Eren Jaeger, but also, Thank You

Fear of rejection is one of the hardest fears to ever come across. Whether the rejection was small like a job opportunity, or large like falling in love, adds or decreases the amount of fear.

And for the first time in my life I wasn't rejected. I wasn't turned away from for my marks and scars. I wasn't being told that "maybe if you were on your stomach it'd be better for me".

No.

I showed Jean Kirchstein my scars, and he pulled me closer.

That morning we were lying together. Calm and peaceful in each other's arms.

I had finally stopped crying, and Jean was tracing his fingers across my skin, following the patterns in my scars.

"You're beautiful, Marco, you're so beautiful" he repeated to me again and again. I felt my cheeks burn red, my body twitching to ticklish spots. He would snicker when he'd see me spasm and giggle when he touched parts of my sides.

He was touching my sides.

Something that I hated, I felt comfortable enough to let him do it.

When people touched my sides, it had always been a reminder to me that I wasn't how I wanted to look. There was no bone to touch, to feel over. There was just, fat. It killed me, it truly did. Not being as perfect as I wanted to be for them.

"Marco," he whispered to me. I looked at him, and he leaned forward, pressing his lips against mine. It was soft, and I felt timid. It was so loving and warm, and I didn't know how I was supposed to handle it. Within moments, however, I found myself on my back, his legs straddling over me. When we broke the kiss, I felt myself begin to mentally curse.

All I saw was how wide Jean's legs had to be apart to be straddled over me.

Jean noticed that I had tilted my face away, not wanting to look down to see it. His hand moved to cup my cheek, and I felt the last burning tear slip down my face. His thumb wiped it away and he turned my face back to his, kissing me slowly. My eyes fluttered close before I could do anything, and I felt my hands trace the muscles on his back, feeling every ridge of firm skin. His own hands moved up my sternum, slow, feeling over the expanse of my chest before moving to my shoulders, his thumbs brushing across where my collarbones would protrude had I had been thin.

"You're shaking, Marco." He whispered to me, squeezing lightly around the base of my neck and shoulders. I groaned softly. "You're safe, Marco. Don't be afraid please. You are beautiful."

His lips were on mine again, and I felt myself sink into the bed, relaxing, reveling in the way his lips brushed against mine. He nipped at my lower lip and I gasped lightly at the heat that surged through my body. He slipped his tongue into my mouth and I whined against his mouth, his mouth was far too hot. The feel of his tongue against mine was making me shiver and claw at him lightly.  
His hands were brushing across my chest and stomach and I wanted to pull my face away to ask him to stop. But he pulled away before I could.

"Marco, I-" and he was cut off by the sound of his cell phone ringing. He groaned, pecked my lips and then jumped across to his side of the bed, leaning down to where his pants were left, fishing into the pocket of his pants.

Now, to be fair, his ass was up in the air and I couldn't stop myself.

"Hello?" I heard him say. I hadn't noticed my hands were starting to approach his ass until his own swatted mines away.

He looked back at me with a quirked brow and a somewhat irritated expression. I pouted.

"What?! I thought you said you'd cover for me, Braun! What do you mean you-" he then groaned, "but Reiner you said-" I could see his lip quirk up angrily, "you fucking owe me," he murmured and hung up.

He immediately dropped his phone and scooted into me, "I have work. I told Reiner to take care of Jaeger for me today and he found some cute boy toy instead." He groaned into my shoulder.

"What time do you have to leave?" I asked him.

"Soon." He said. I felt his fingers brush the inside of my palm, and I wiggled my hand up to entwine my fingers in his. His lips pressed to my shoulder. He was starting to shuffle to get up, turning over and away from me.

I whined at him then, and turned on my side, pulling him into me. "Jeannnn don't go" I whimpered in his ear, my hands on his stomach. I'm not going to lie his abs are fucking superb.

"Marco, I have to," he whined back, noticing I was totally feeling him up. He turned his head a little to look at me and clicked his tongue in disapproval. "-and as much as I would love to have your hands on me all day and night I'd like to be able to pay my rent." He said, turning around and kissing me softly. When he pulled away, I chased until I found them against me again.

He pushed on my shoulder, again I found myself being straddled over. And soon we were back to where we were before the call, his tongue in my mouth tickling over each crevice, moans slipping from my mouth as he eagerly swallowed them. My hands moved to his arms, brushing over the firm biceps and then he pulled away.

"Alright alright I'm getting up now and you can't stop me." He said and quickly rolled off.

As he got off the bed, his boxers snagged on the blanket and found the band of his boxers slipped down quite a bit. He immediately tugged them up and I could see his face flush with embarrassment.

"Hey hey now I like seeing that butt," I said.

He picked up my crumpled shirt from the ground and threw it at me. "Dork" he said under his breath as he went and grabbed his clothes.

I watched him get dressed and he smiled at me as he did so. "I'll call you tonight, I promise." He said to me. The words promise felt harsh from his mouth, as if trying to convince me deeper.

I sat up and crossed my legs. "Sounds good to me."

He leaned across the bed and pecked my lips, before stumbling out the door. "Bye, sweet cakes." And with that he was out the door.

Now, as any normal boyfriend, I curled over to where Jean had been sleeping and shoved my nose into the bed. Damn, he smelled good. I grabbed his pillow and cuddled it, completely content in not moving for the rest of the day.

So, I didn't. I got up to eat, but happily enjoyed my lazy day of waiting for my boyfriend to call. I watched some mindless television, played flappy bird on my phone, and lazed about.

Around 9:30pm, I noticed Jean hadn't called or texted me. I didn't want to be a desperate or a clingy boyfriend, but I was sort of hoping to talk to him. So to try and be nonchalant, I shot him a text.

**[Text] To: Jean.**  
 **How was work today?**

I plopped my phone on my nightstand, and waited.

 

And waited.

And waited.

Finally, I lied in the dark, staring at my phone until I fell asleep.

 

\---------

Eren fucking Jaeger: The biggest fucking idiot to have ever graced the Earth.

_"Jean! Jean no seriously I can lift this much look, see-,"_

_"EREN DONT-,"_

And that's how we ended up in the hospital.  
Well.  
I was fine, he… he broke his arm. 

He had to be hauled away in an ambulance and I had to stay with his sorry ass until his hot sister arrived.

I’m 110% gay. But damn I’d go straight for her.

But no matter.

As I got home, I forced my dead shitty phone onto the charger, and plopped onto the bed, falling asleep from a long, exhausting day. Hopefully after this incident, Eren would quit.

Oh please, god. Eren please quit.

As I awoke the next day, I felt the burn of my sleepy eyes sting as the reddish light poured through the blinds of my window. No way. I have not only been asleep for 4 hours-

I looked at the clock and noticed the time. It was 4:30pm. Oh well.

Something was eating at me though. I wasn't sure what. I mean, I went through my checklist in my head.

Dealt with idiot  
Took idiot to hospital  
Got home-

Oh.  
Oh god.  
Oh my fucking god I forgot to call Marco.

I immediately dived for my phone and noticed the one, short text.

"How was work today"

Oh no

I immediately flashed up to the top of the message box and clicked the call button.

Pick up pick up pick up Marco.

 

\--------------------------

 

The shower was always a good place to wash away thoughts. Thoughts of pain were normally the best to rid as you burned your body with hot water.  
Not a single call from Jean. Not a text, nothing. 

At first, I thought, “Oh he must be busy, he did say that one guy was a total handful.”  
But then all of today I received nothing. No text or call, and it seemed like he just dropped off the face of the earth.  
“Did I say something? Did I scare him off?” I began to ask myself as I let the water roll down my skin.  
I then felt a twist in my stomach and felt my heart beat sting and beat erratically.  
“What if… Could it have been me?” I looked down and saw my stomach and winced. “Maybe he was repulsed, but didn’t want to admit it. T-That makes perfect sense. I-It’s not like it hasn’t happened before.” I murmured to myself. I began to ball up my fists, and dug the heels of my palms into my eyes.  
It was dumb to think he was different. Time and time again people would be turned off. They’d be fine with my face but as soon as they saw my body they’d run.  
Why would anyone want someone like me, especially Jean?  
Jean who was beautiful, and smart and funny and everything I ever wanted. Of course he’d want someone who was thinner. Someone not scarred, and someone who wasn’t so afraid. Someone who wasn’t so repulsive.  
I felt hot tears pour down my cheeks again, and felt my body quake.  
“Marco, don’t let people close to you, you know better than this. How many times do we have to say it?” I repeated to myself leaning against the cold shower wall. I slipped down it, and curled up into a ball on the floor of my shower.  
“You haven’t known him for that long why are you so worked up?” I asked myself, as I wrapped my arms tighter around my knees. I felt the rolls of my stomach concave into me and I felt sick and disgusting.  
“If I can’t love myself how is anyone going to care about me?”  
After a few more minutes of wallowing, I got out of the shower, and dried off. I moved slowly over to my bed and heard the sound of my phone.  
It sounded like a broken vibrator, to be honest. It was buzzing like mad, and then it would stop, and then flip out again. I took a deep breath to calm myself, and reached for the spastic phone. I unlocked the phone to see 32 missed calls 29 voicemails, 34 texts.  
All of which were from Jean.  
My breath hitched with nervosa as I thumbed over the screen. I took a deep breath and began to listen to my voicemails.  
“Marco are you there?” 1st voicemail.  
“Marco, I’m so so sorry” I felt sick to my stomach at the second.  
“Eren was a fucking idiot and got us taken to the hospital”  
“He broke his arm and we had to call the fucking ambulance and I had to stay with him”  
“I would’ve called, but my phone died and when I got home I was so exhausted”  
“Seriously no one understands how fucking stupid Jaeger is.”  
“Marco, why aren’t you picking up?”  
“I know I should’ve called I'm so sorry”  
“It slipped my mind and then I came home and passed out and I’m so so sorry”  
“…Marco please don’t think I didn’t call because of this morning.” I felt tears roll down my face.  
“Marco please you’re so beautiful don’t ever think I’d do something like that”  
“Marco I'm so sorry”  
“Marco pick up.”  
“Marco pick up, please…” The message was still going, and finally I heard a soft mumble come from his mouth, “Fuck I think I’m falling in love with him.”  
I dropped my phone, and it must’ve hit speaker, because then I heard the words, “ShIT I DIDN’T HANG UP OH gOD DAMMIT MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF SHIT PHONE OH GOD”  
And I started to cry.  
The next message played then,  
“Marco it’s true.”  
After I calmed down my breathing, I tried to call him back. I guess we were both trying to call each other at that moment, because I found I was at his voicemail.

 

\----------------------

 

After I left the next voicemail, I found my phone buzz.  
“One Missed Call/Voicemail: Marco Butt”  
I immediately flicked to the message and held it up to my ear.  
“J-Jean?” His voice was shaky and sounded strained. Oh god he was crying, wasn’t he? “I-I think I’m falling in love with you too.”  
And with that, I tossed my phone into my pocket, grabbed my keys and headed out the door.

Never in my life did a 5 minute drive feel so long.

I reached the steps of Marco’s house, and pounded on the door. “Marco? Marco it’s me, open up.” 

Marco was there within moments. He opened the door and I immediately noticed the bloodshot eyes, and blotchy cheeks. I stepped inside slammed the door and yanked him down, kissing him roughly.  
I pushed him up against the wall, and held his face as I held him against me.  
He chewed at my lower lip, and I parted my lips. Tongues tangled and hands began to roam, his hands slipped down my back as I cupped and brushed over his face.  
I swallowed a moan he emitted, and yelped as his hands groped at my ass. I whimpered into his mouth and pressed against him further. I then broke the kiss, and his lips moved to my neck. With a playful bite, I threaded my fingers into the back of his head, gripping lightly at his hair.  
“W-Wait, Marco s-stop,” I asked of him, my hands moving to his, bringing them up to my hips.  
He looked at me, confused.  
"Marco, f-fuck Marco I want to. I really do. B-but I-I want it to be different. I want us and this to be different. Because, I feel it has to be. With you I need to show you. I need you to know everything, and though I'm enjoying a-all this,” I whined softly and balled my hand into a fist, “-get your lips off my ear, boy, I'm trying to concentrate here,” He murmured an apology into my ear, “I want it to mean much more than just in the heat of the moment." I started to peck his lips, and across his blotchy red cheeks. "Can we cuddle? I think we really need that.”  
I saw small tears begin to slip down his cheeks, and I wiped them away.  
“I told you I’d be here to kiss away every tear, didn’t I?” I asked him, pressing my lips to his cheek. “I promise you, I will always kiss away your tears.”  
So he slowly tugged me towards his bedroom, and lied down with me on the bed. I pulled him in close and began to hum to him, running my hand through his hair.  
Then his cat decided to join us.  
And by join us, I mean this cat fucking wedged it's way in between Marco and I, and clawed at me.  
“Sorry about Mina. She’s not fond of people.” He said to me, lifting up the fat cat and moving her aside.  
“So she’s like me” I said. I heard a laugh come from him.  
“Well, you both like me, so I guess you have more in common than you think”  
“Well, Mina may like you, Marco.” I started, his eyes met mine, and I pressed my lips to his forehead, “I'm pretty damn sure I love you,”  
I couldn’t help but grin at the face that burnt red and smiled so wide, I thought he was going to burst.  
“I’m pretty sure I love you too.” He said to me, his lips pressing softly against mine.  
I held him close to my body, and cuddled with him.


End file.
